Saturday, February 13, 2016

Love, Pills, and Kitty Cats: Happy Single's Day




"I really learned a lot, really learned a lot
Love is like a flame
it burns you when it's hot"
-Felice and Boudleaux Bryant 

My mother's Valentine's Day package sent to me with all her love.



Check this out! Now that I have a cat I am certifiably single! 

Kate
I'm also single by choice. Sort of. Here's the deal: you have to be extraordinary for me to want to share a bed with you. I hate sharing a bed. I hate sleeping next to people, and they should hate sleeping next to me since I don't stop moving.
If it takes me an hour and 1/2 to settle down, it's going to take me 3 hours with an extra body in my bed. No one's getting any sleep with this setup.

Here's another reason I don't date


The only reason I ever get dressed up is when I have plans to spend an entire day intermittently checking myself out in the mirror. It's not for you. Sorry, boo.

But the most important reason why I'm single is because I do not have my shit together, and I refuse to let anyone in while I am dissatisfied with the way things are going in my life.

Am I lonely? Not in the romantic sense. I'm used to the single life. In fact, we go way back.

I've been the single friend, AKA the 3rd wheel, most of my life. I've been in 2 volatile relationships that resulted in me hating everyone and everything.

But I really have learned a lot. I've experienced heartbreak (that's an understatement. I've lost my head and forgotten who I was.), the emotional drainage, and even promised myself that I was "never doing this again"; but I still don't resent love in any way, shape or form. Love is important. Love is a potion, a very old and potent formula with unknown origins that transforms us, and sometimes we abuse it just like any mind altering drug.

Sometimes we have a hard time regulating the way we respond to our emotions. We get so 
overwhelmed that our balance is thrown off and we start to forget ourselves. For me, infatuation has always been a derivative of Love. When I've loved, the love turned into resentment, and my heart was left ablaze with fiery intensity that was originally meant to inspire bliss and generosity. 








Friday, February 12, 2016

So special, So special, So special!

"We look the same
We talk the same
We even fuck the same"
-Courtney Love



Photo Credit- Me
(I guess you could say I'm that socially awkward bird in the corner)








If you’re not anything like Bill Gates, you’re not special. Maybe if you're lucky you might be unique, but you’re not UH-mazing.

Hello, my name is Heather. I'm a Sagittarius. That means I'm good at sex. It also means that I'm apart of a special group of talented people who were born between late November and late December. Sometimes me and some fellow Sags brag about our preordained personality traits that make us certified Sagittarians, such as:

  • Being a fire sign (feel the burn?)
  • Optimistic ("Yes!")
  • People magnet (sociopaths love me)
  • Always smiling (my face really hurts)
  • Imaginative (What if... I do this instead of that other thing?)
 And boy, do I feel special. 

I don't want to give you a long introduction about myself. Introductions are basically spoilers.

I bet you kinda liked that. 

Well yeah, that's because someone UH-mazing said it way better in her 35th anniversary edition of "To Kill a Mockingbird."

I'll leave you with the actual quote:

"Introductions inhibit pleasure, they kill the joy of anticipation, they frustrate curiosity."
-Harper Lee